Brother
by fearlessly
Summary: This is a wee story about Love. Warning for mention of Finn's death. I own nothing.


"Kitten?"

Blaine's voice brought Kurt out of his thoughts. He looked into Blaine's eyes and saw concern in them so he cleared his throat softly then forced a smile, "yeah?"

"Are you alright? You've been melancholy for a few days now and I'm starting to get concerned."

If there was one thing Blaine was it was in tune with Kurt's feelings. He didn't need for Kurt to voice them or elaborate too much. They had been married for five years now and Blaine could read Kurt's expressive eyes, his body language, and even the rhythm of his breath. Kurt knew this so once he was presented with the question, there was no reason and really no way he could lie.

Kurt placed the Vogue that he hadn't even been reading down on the table and shifted so that he was fully facing Blaine on the couch. He curled his long leg beneath him and sighed. Blaine watched him like a hawk. His liquid amber gaze seemingly didn't blink as it bore into the ocean of Kurt's blues.

"I miss my brother," Kurt admitted softly.

"Oh, Kitten," Blaine took Kurt's hand and kissed the top of it.

"I know it's been a long time but I still think about him and I don't know, lately I just haven't been able to get him out of my head." Kurt had to divert his gaze. He looked down into his lap and willed the tears to remain at bay.

"It's completely normal to feel this way, Kurt." Blaine inched closer and took his husband into his arms, cradling him to his chest. He knew Kurt would cry. He knew Kurt would fist the front of his cardigan and sob onto his chest until he was a sniffling mess. "But," Blaine continued, "what has prompted these feelings to emerge now?"

"I don't know," Kurt said. "I-I think it's just that you and I have finally come into our own. I mean, we have great jobs that we both love and our relationship is so strong and loving and we've just put in the papers for adoption," Kurt paused to take a breath. He blinked back the tears that had been threatening to spill all week. "I keep thinking that Finn never got to realize any of his dreams. He never even got to figure out what his dreams actually were."

Blaine's hand rubbed circles into Kurt's back as he listened intently. He knew Kurt had a lot to say and that he needed to get all of it off his chest. He could see that it was really eating him up inside and he desperately wanted for his husband to get some relief.

"Blaine," Kurt said, "he never got to finish college and get started at his career. He never got to marry the love of his life or even think about starting a family." Finally the tears spilled and slid down Kurt's cheeks. His voice became higher as he sputtered through the rest of it. "It's just so unjust, Blaine. He deserved so much more than he got. He was such a good person. He took care of everyone he loved including me." Kurt buried his face into Blaine's chest. His fist grabbed at the front of his cardigan as he let the sobs wash over him, knowing that Blaine would not let him fall.

"Let it out, Kitten. Let all that anguish out of your body," Blaine whispered into Kurt's hair. "I know you miss him. I miss him too. And life had been completely unfair to him. It's perfectly okay for you to mourn him even after all these years, Kurt. It's healthy actually and it is so beautiful that you still think about him and that he is still a permanent fixture in your heart." Blaine started rocking now as he could feel Kurt tipping over the edge, his sobs would soon become full out wails. "But as beautiful as it is, Finn would hate that you're hurting because of him and I think he would tell you that even though his life was cut short, the time he did spend on this earth was, all in all, great. He had a family who loved him, which included a brother who helped him become a man – he said so himself. And he had friends who simply adored him."

"But Blaine, he's gone," Kurt cried. "He's gone and he will never have the chance to experience what we have."

Blaine finally realized why all these emotions had emerged in Kurt after all these years. He figured out the underlying of what Kurt was really feeling - guilt. Their life had been so blessed and so beautiful so far that Kurt was feeling guilty that his brother would never get to experience anything more, let alone a life like theirs. Blaine thought that most people could live to be a hundred years old and never get to experience a love like theirs but he didn't voice that opinion because it wasn't about that. It was about diverting his husband's feelings into something happier. It was about helping Kurt remember Finn fondly and not in anguish.

Blaine's embrace strengthened around him as he murmured against Kurt's temple, "the absolute worst thing you could do for Finn's memory is to deny or not enjoy the things that he would want for you. And what he wanted for you is everything you have – success, happiness, love."

Kurt lifted his head. His eyes were the darkest blue – the shade they always became when he cried. His eyelashes were wet along with his flushed cheeks. His lips trembled gently as he looked into his husband's eyes. "I love you and I love our life but I-I-I…" Kurt started sobbing again, his face scrunching up with so much anguish that Blaine's heart nearly split in two. "But I," he continued, "I feel so guilty for being so in love and so happy when he's just … gone."

Blaine pressed his forehead to Kurt's, something he did often when Kurt needed an anchor. "Kitten, Finn would be so sad right now about your guilt. He wanted you to flourish. He wanted you to succeed. He wanted you to love and be loved."

Blaine ducked his head to look into Kurt's eyes. "Can I tell you a story?"

Kurt only nodded and nuzzled his head onto Blaine's shoulder.

"That day … it was so long ago now but I remember it like it was yesterday," Blaine's voice was soft and a little tentative. "The day after I left New York – after our break-up – I saw Finn at school. He laid into me for hurting you, and rightfully so. I was in agony, Kurt and I didn't want to have to face Finn but I made myself do it because I wanted to punish myself. I wanted to take all the hatred Finn would've sent my way." Blaine rubbed Kurt's back as he collected his thoughts. "But he didn't hate me. He was disappointed and sad that I had hurt you but he actually reached out and helped me, Kurt. He made sure that I was okay and he said something to me that I will never ever forget."

Kurt looked up at Blaine, his eyes filled with curiosity.

Blaine smiled down at him and kissed his forehead. "Finn said, 'I know my brother. I know that it will take a long time but he loves you, dude. And I know that when he sees his future he sees it with you. So don't give up on him. Give him space but be there when he comes around. I want him to be happy and loved and I think that when it comes to a partner only you make him feel that way.'"

Blaine kissed Kurt's lips softly and chastely. "I never forgot that day. On days when I felt that you would never ever forgive me or that I would never get to hold your hand or kiss your lips again I would just close my eyes and remember Finn's words." Blaine grasped Kurt's hand and intertwined their fingers. "Don't you see, Kitten? You are honouring him by living your life the way you want to and thus, the way he would want you to."

Kurt's arms slid up and wrapped around Blaine's shoulders; he remained silent for a really long time before speaking. "I didn't know that he spoke with you after," he said quietly.

"I know you didn't and he wanted it that way."

"That's what made him so great. He always put everyone else's needs before his," Kurt said. "I know that he would be proud of me and that he wanted for me to be happy. I just really miss him. I wish he were here to see it all, experience it with us." Kurt pressed his face to Blaine's neck and murmured, "he would've made the best uncle in the world."

Now Blaine was close to tears. "Kitten, he still will be. Through pictures and through the memories that we will share, our child will know his or her Uncle Finn. I promise."

"I love you Blaine Anderson."

Blaine smiled. He knew he had gotten through to his husband. It wouldn't be an overnight fix but this was a step in the right direction and he knew that Kurt would be okay. The guilt and sorrow would lessen and eventually give way to acceptance and joy. "I love you too, Kitten."

"Blaine?" Kurt said as he nestled once again against his husband's cardigan.

"Mhmm?" Blaine rocked him.

"When we finally get to hold our baby in our arms and we get the honour of naming him or her," Kurt took a breath, "could his or her middle name be Finn? I think it would fit even if she's a girl."

"Nothing would make me happier."

Kurt smiled at that. He really was happy. He had a husband who understood him, who protected him yet still let him be his own person, and who above all else loved him and his family beyond all measure. Kurt could finally feel the anguish start to lift because he knew that if his brother could see him he would be happy too - Happy for him because that's what Finn Hudson was about – his happiness came from seeing others happy and there was no way Kurt would deny his brother that. Not then, not now, not ever.

So with a kiss to Blaine's cheek he got up and tugged his husband up too "Come on. Help me make lunch. I have a sudden craving for grilled cheese."

Blaine smiled and diverted his gaze up toward the sky for a brief moment, silently tipping his hat to his brother-in-law. "Extra cheese in mine, please," he grinned and followed Kurt into the kitchen.


End file.
